Some Thoughts on Self Sabotage

Some Thoughts on Self Sabotage

This week has given me all kinds of food for thought. I’ve been jotting paragraphs down in my journal here there and everywhere which has led to me ultimately writing this blog post. The last week has been somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster for me as I launch myself into things I’ve never done before. I’ve certainly felt the fear this week but this time I didn’t let it stop me from pushing through to the end which it has done so many times before and I’m so thankful that this week I decided to believe in myself. 

I’m a natural-born people pleaser and I’ve spent the majority of life thus far measuring my success on what other people thought of me. I’ve held back on so many occasions as not to rock the boat, upset someone or look like a fool. Ultimately this way of living hasn’t been serving me well for some time but when consumed by that negative way of thinking it’s hard to break the cycle.

So this week when I did something bloody scary I was chuffed to bits to find myself ignoring the thoughts of that doubt that attempted to take over and threw myself in regardless.

So what did I do this week that was so damn scary? Well, if you’re new here then might not know that last week I launched my very own podcast! Yep, a podcast! It still sounds a little surreal to say it out loud, or type it, whatever. Balance Before Burnout: For Nurses has been a project in the making for the past six months and has been a project in the making inside my head for over a year. 

Just over twelve months ago I reached a point where I was so disconnected to my nursing role and wondered if the career was for me anymore. It took some time but after a lot of mindset work and a little help from a professional I managed to come full circle and twelve months later I’m still a nurse. I know for a fact if I hadn’t done the work then I probably wouldn’t be nursing right now. After working all over the world as a nurse I’ve noticed that no matter where you go, nurses have similar problems when it comes to mindset and feeling like they are nailing this nurse life balance thing. That’s when I decided to rebrand Alicia Overseas into a space to help other nurses struggling with this busy career. It was at that moment that I decided to make this change that I knew I had to start a podcast. 

Getting everything ready to start the podcast was easy. It was easy to find information out there online about the how to’s. It was easy to think about what topics I’m going to chat about, I literally wrote an A3 piece of paper FULL of ideas in 5 minutes flat. It was even easy to start recording and come up with some show art and find a catchy introduction jingle that I’d use for the podcast. 

What wasn’t easy was putting it out there into the world. Just the very thought of it made me feel queasy at best. 

Cue brain to tell myself all the negative stories about what could happen if I launch this podcast into the world: 

  • My audio definitely isn’t ready 
  • Nobody will listen to it 
  • Nobody will take advice from me
  • Nobody cares what I have to say 
  • It will be a complete waste of time and money 
  • People will laugh at me 
  • I won’t be able to show my face at work 
  • People will wonder ‘who the hell does she think she is’ 
  • I am even qualified to start a podcast? 
  • Apple podcasts might not even approve the podcast 

Pretty grim right? Twelve months ago I would’ve listened to all these stories, agreed with them all, shook the idea that I could ever be a podcast host and moved on. Luckily for me, I’m getting pretty good at recognising these negative thoughts and putting a different spin on them. This is a mindset technique I’ve been leaning into for the last year and honestly, it’s been a game-changer. I’ve gone from quite the pessimist to someone who focuses on the positive possibilities. Like: 

  • This podcast could help other nurses that feel burnout 
  • I’d actually be happy if only one single nurse got something out of it 
  • If people laugh at me then its a reflection on them not on me 
  • I can’t change what people think about me 
  • Only people who are doing less than me will criticise me 
  • I’m a nurse who knows that she help other nurses from becoming burnt out – definitely qualified 
  • I wholeheartedly believe in the manifesto of creating balance before burnout for a happier life as a nurse
  • My passion shines through in the episodes I’ve recorded so far 
  • What’s the worst that will happen if I don’t publish this podcast = I’ll never know either way

For every negative thought that I had there was a positive one. So I listened to my gut and published the podcast. I’m so grateful that I didn’t let self-sabotage get in the way of this one because creating Balance Before Burnout brings me so much joy and seeing people tuning in has made me so so proud.

I’ve had some amazing messages of congratulations, support and people enjoying the podcast which actually blows my mind. But why should it? It’s a good podcast and I’ve got an important message to spread. 

With the little confidence boost I got after launching the podcast I then shared it on my personal Facebook page and with my wider community of nurses, another hella scary moment (anyone taking a leap into creating something new online will know the feeling). I was terrified but actually I got nothing but support and those who don’t support it or understand why I’m doing it don’t matter.

All these feelings this week have allowed me to identify that so often the only thing that’s in the way of the thing we want to do and actually doing it, is ourselves. I could’ve let my fear of people laughing at me stop me from trying in the first place and I see this so often amongst my friends and colleagues both on and offline. We tell ourselves such negative stories as a way of talking ourselves out of doing scary things. As I grow more confident and create more content and put myself and my message out there I see that it no matter how scared I get, almost none of the negative stories I tell myself ever come true. By listening to them the only person I am sabotaging is myself. 

I want to end this post with a great quote from the one and only Brene Brown and that’s ‘if you’re not in the arena getting your arsed kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback’. 

Because when we think about doing something that scares us we are usually afraid of what people think. I know for me I’m more worried about someone making fun of me than am I nobody listening to what I have to say. 

This is the year where I refuse to let self-sabotage take over. So, if you want something go out there, do the work and go for it. Perhaps it’s a new nursing role you don’t feel qualified to do or that blog you’ve been longing to start, feel the fear and do it anyway because it feels amazing.

Come and join me inside the arena and start following your dreams! 

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Alicia is a travel obsessed Registered Nurse who is on a mission to help other unfulfilled nurses reconnect with their purpose, passion and joy for life. Alicia has suffered from countless bouts of burnout in her nursing career and now wants to help other nurses too. Alicia is a huge advocate for travel and travel makes up a huge part of her life and this blog! Join her on her adventures nursing around the world and helping others to live a happier more positive life.

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